Ok- off the seriousness, ive spent the last 3-4 hours in my room just watching tv and thinking about life in general. I thought about every aspect and every goal that I have accomplished, and have failed over the past 2 years. I thought about the absolute highs, average and the lows. Ive thought about alot of changes that I wanted to make over the years, how I have tried to change old bad habbits and how I am finally after all of this time going to be a better person by stopping all of the little things I do to annoy my friends, myself and last but not least my family.
Lets start back in November of 2002 when I was introduced into ebay. I was just surfing around trying to find some good deals on patriots hats and stuff because I couldnt find anything around here because patriots stuff was hard to find and they had just beat the rams in the superbowl in 2001 (my favorite team) Anyways to sum everything up I saw this one guy who was selling 2 playoff games on dvd that I really wanted to see again because they were so awesome. Once I bought the dvds I realized that I could easy…. very easily make more money than this guy, and buy alot more games to sell to people. I started off small selling about 10-15 different games. As summer approached 2003 I had my collection of games to sell upto about 110+ along with a Tyson DVD set. I was presently working at suncoast making a lousy 5.65 an hour which was really bad. I noticed how much money I was making going into my senior year…and I was making ALOT of money. Im talking about 3-4 a month EASILY by doing something I liked doing. It was my first step into business which is what I am pretty good at. SO I was working at suncoast, and decided that I was going to leave that when I had been told my a guy I met named Chris that he would hire me at waldenbooks starting at $8. from 5.65 to $8 is a BIG jump especially when Im 17. So when school starts… Im working between 40-50 hours a week PLUS all of my ebay transactions which was like an extra 20+ hours a week not to mention ALL of the stress I was going through trying to get school work done and such. Well mid october I just gave up, I decided that I was just making too much money right now that I did not have time for school at this point and that since I had enough credits to fail this semester, I was going to drop out during the first semester of my senior year and come back for the second semester and graduate with my class. Honestly now I still believe that I made the right decision in dropping out to make the money…Seriously It was ALOT of money and I just couldnt turn that down. Without the money that I had made during that time, I dont even know if I would be living where I am today because I had to help my mom with bills and etc. So my business is going REALLY well and school comes approaching… and Im thinking to myself… this really sucks to leave my great business… but I really really want to graduate. So when school comes around I decided to stick to the plan that I had originally had made. I stopped working the full time 40+ hours a week andI stopped doing ebay too to resume going to school. Going back into school after being away nearly a year was very difficult to do, however I knew it was the right choice in coming back. I had to end up taking the regular 7 class full day schedule and 2 night school classes for a total of 9 classes and I just did not have time to work or really do anything at the time. But I still had alot of money to maintain myself until I could start working again and or start my business again. However halfway during spring I had an encounter with a situation I did not ever really want to experience A good friend needed help with money and alot of things happend and I basically ended up going nearly broke… and going from nearly everything I wanted at the time… to like pretty low was very hard to take and dealing with school was just a distraction in the way. So going through all of these situations was like really really really hard, but I didnt really want to lose a good friend over money. So I decided to just bite my teeth and try to forget about the whole situation. Something like this is really really hard to forget. After this problem… like every problem came ontop of me and I just couldnt take all of the pressure. Nearly torwards the end of april I thought about just dropping out and getting my GED, But I wanted the feeling of walking accross that stage and graduating with my class. I wanted it to bad and I felt that I should graduate the way a person is suppost to. So I decided to maintain my grades and I ended up with all A’s and 1B in my 2nd semester senior year. Once graduation was over, It was summer time and I just chilled ALOT with my friends. I didnt work… and I basically went into a depression state for a long long time. that depression state lasted much longer than I wanted it to last… and it currently is still here. it would go away for a week and just come back when something bad happend. I was financially unstable… so I had to end up going to work basically full time to pay of my bills during my first semseter of college at MC. I ended up with horrible grades at MC and I was very dissapointed at myself. I could only blame myself for my actions, but it was just so HARD dealing with SO many things at once… that I tried to just block everything and live normally. The truth is I just couldnt deal with all of the situations. I didnt want to end up going back into my business because my business was…. well…not something that is suppost to last a very long time. Once I had paid all of my bills and such, I decided that I was going to start saving for a car, so I wouldnt have to take the bus all the time to get to work and back. Everything overall has got better from last year so far and I wanted to start this year fresh and change alot of things I normally do that arent good. Some of the things include cursing, eating too much fast food, not caring enough, caring about my sister.. and the list goes on and on. No matter how many times I have said it over and over… I really need to change the person that I am for the better. All of those shifts at the kiosks I must have spent about 100+ hours thinking about who I really am and what my purpose in life really is. Woah this is the longest post I have prob ever done… and its gonna be alot longer. I need to straighten things out RIGHT NOW cuz im sick and tired of the way things are going… and I know they are getting better… but I myself need to take charge and really think more positive that negative. I need to get the negative kris out of my and stick in more positive. With the recent death of one of my best friends Chris…was really devistating to me. He was like my business partner throughout the whole winter of 2003. Out of nowhere he just died… and it sucks so much. I already miss him and its only been like 2-3 weeks. its just really hard to believe that im never going to hear his voice again, drink with him again…or even see him again…RIP dude… Ahh right now I have insomnia… I just cant sleep no matter how hard I try…My mind is just working in weird ways lately. I know I have really good friends that are mostly reliable and would be their for me if I ever needed anything, but for the most part I need to change things… and change things now. Before they start getting out of hand and I cant change them. I think everyone is going to starting looking at me in a different way because Im really going to change who I am… and improve the way that I think. I need a brighter way to look at things. I really want to get a car before the end of may, and I think I can do that if I just keep working hard and bringing in enough money to pay for the insurance and all that stuff. I want this summer to be great…. so I can get ready for next year in college to basically focus and get the grades that ive always wanted to get, and smart enough to get. Hopefully without as many distractions I can maintain a good enough GPA so I can get into maryland business school. Thats what I really want to do. Anyways this whole post was just about alot of thinking that I have been doing like this whole night. I think im going to go make some food… and watch some more TV and then finally try and get some sleep. Whoever read this entry.. thanks for reading it and I appreciate it. If their are any comments you have to what you think about all this writing dont hesitate to post them. Thanks.
4:35 am K to the IZZLE
RIP CHRIS man….. I dont think im ever going to see you in “heaven” because you and me both never believed in god, but I will always remember you.
