Short story by Brené- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8
kris notes- 4-3-18
When something goes wrong, we tend to aim outward and try and figure out “whos fault is this?” – We have all done this at some point or another in our lives.
Brene proceeds to tell a story about spilling a 2nd cup of coffee on herself which is just hilarious. Lol. Essentially the story goes like this: She spills coffee on herself and ends up blaming her husband steve because if he had come home earlier the night before, she wouldn’t have had the 2nd cup of coffee, therefore she would not have had the opportunity to spill it. Classic blame game 101.
Brene is such a good storyteller. This story is absolutely f’ing hilarious.
How many of us go to that place? When something bad happens, the first thing you want to know is who’s fault is it? (I know I have)
Id rather it be my fault, than no ones fault. Why?
Because it gives us some semblance of control.
However, if you enjoy blaming, nananananananana.(hilarious) Heres what we know from the RESEARCH: Blame is simply the discharge of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. So true!!
Accountability by definition is a VULNERABLE PROCESS.
It means when your feelings get hurt, you talk it out with someone, instead of blaming. Blame is just a way we discharge anger. RAH!!!!
People that blame a lot, seldom have the tenacity and grit, to actually hold people accountable, because they spend all their energy raging for a short time, and trying to figure out whos fault something this. Big no no!!
Blaming is very corrosive in relationships. It accomplishes nothing but more distrust in the future.
Blaming is one of the reasons we miss our opportunities to show empathy. Because when something happens and were hearing the story, we’re not really listening, we’re making the connections as quickly as possible about who’s fault it was. Wow this is DEEP!
Taking responsibility can be easier said than done.(aint that the truth) Blaming someone else or external circumstances can be a way to deflect ownership, soften mistakes, and protect an individual’s ego.
We see leaders blame their subordinates. Employees blame their leaders. Children blame their siblings. Athletes blame the referees. Parents blame the teachers. A motorist blames slick roads. A manager blames competing priorities. A salesman blames a poor economy. When a deadline is missed, it’s easy to blame a shortened timeline. We all know how to point a finger.
Making excuses and blaming undermines your competence, leadership, and integrity.
Whens the last time you thought highly of someone who was blaming? Probably never. Even if they we’re somewhat justified? Now how about the last time instead of blaming, you watched someone take the higher road, or a different more calm reasonable approach?
Avoid The Dangers of Blaming
We stand little to gain from blaming others or circumstances for our mistakes or misfortunes. Perhaps we put off feeling embarrassed, guilty, or hurt. But that won’t last. We should avoid the error of blaming for 3 specific reasons.
- Decreases our sense of control.
By blaming others for our problems, pain, and mistakes we relinquish control of our lives to others. This kills autonomy and tells our brains that we have little control over our lives or circumstances. Hopelessness can soon set in.
- Decreases our optimism.
When we blame others and give up control over our emotions and actions we can become pessimistic. We feel trapped, stuck, or hand-cuffed. We lose hope for successful outcomes in our work, relationships, and lives. We don’t think our time, energy, or efforts will make a difference. Thus, pessimism prevails.
- Prevents us from taking responsibility.
By blaming others or our circumstances, we are denying how we contributed to the issue, problem, or poor outcome. Denying our degree of responsibility diminishes trust and respect with our teams, colleagues, and families. When we deny ownership we tell those around us that we aren’t in this together and that they are on their own.- WOWOWOWOWOWOW, talk about a moment of distrust here! This is betrayal! Woo1!!!
Definition of BLAME- a : to hold responsible
- they blame me for everything
b : to place responsibility for
- blames it on me
