2011 was a pretty rough year for me. Lost my grandfather, and in doing so had to pickup the responsibility of now taking care of my mom for the rest of her life. Which from the outside it doesn’t seem so bad right? Your parents raise you from nothing to everything(usually). Well my mom really makes it rough on me. She lies, she steals, she smokes, probably still on drugs, addicted to “pain management” medication, shes stubborn, hard headed, she hasn’t had a job in 10 years, shes lazy, she almost got me kicked out of my apartment for STUPID ass reasons, she disrespects my girlfriend, steals from my girlfriend on numerous occasions and then lies about it. Really the only “good” things she does now is watch my younger sisters baby while she works, and cooks and cleans around my house. That’s practically it. I can really only defend my mom so much, I mean shes really not making the situation ANY easier. I don’t want to sound so negative, but it is what it is. If I sat her and said all these nice things about my mom, it would be lies. Sure she can do a couple of good things here and there, but anybody can do that, doesn’t make them a good person. A rapist can do his thing, and then donate money to charity afterwards, doesn’t make them a good person. My mom was literally carried through life, first by her parents, then my dad, then her parents again until they died,(not to mention the IRS tax refunds she received all those years for having kids, AND the $900 a month social security check she received for my dad passing for almost 9 years, while her rent was $11 A MONTH in MONTGOMERY COUNTY because she was on low income housing our entire lives.) Now its left on my shoulders. I wish I had nicer things to say about my mom, I really do. Practically everything I stand for(Work hard, determination, overall independent, financial independence, honest, loyal, reliable, etc) my mom is practically the opposite. How fucked up is it that my entire life goal is to be exactly the opposite of almost everything my entire family has done thus far? I see everything that has happened and I look down on most of it. Whatever happened to getting a high school diploma,(Or college), Working hard, providing for yourself, find a significant other, be responsible, settle down, buy a house(or rent), have kids, and do things the “right” or “easier” way? Or somewhere around those guidelines. Not rely on people for income, rape the IRS of tax money every year, have babies at young ages when you cant afford it and end up splitting up with your significant other, being on welfare, not being financially stable, all of these “negative” or “harder” things that not only put stress on your own lives, but the people that care about you most(and your kids?).
Then around summer my sister calls me and tells me shes leaving her bf, which she had a kid with in 2009.(Guy is a complete douchebag) She has no money because she doesnt make much, although her work ethic seems to be pretty strong. She has terrible spending habbits, and lives purely paycheck to paycheck, and barely survives without even paying “real” bills yet. She has a car that she should have never bought that is a money pit in fall 2010(After I specifically told her she couldnt afford it, she tried to reason how she could afford it), and now its in the process of being repoe’d(thank god, this is the best solution believe it or not, instantly saves her $500+ a month, nobody should spent 50% of their net income on a fucking car). She has literally wasted 10-15k in tax refund money, and other various money that was given to her over the last 2-3 years, and has nothing to show for it. I am probably the only one she really has left. I really want to help her, but she doesnt want to help herself. Im trying to put her in a stable situation(especially now that she has a baby) so that she can live a pretty comfortable life, and get things situated so shes not living paycheck to paycheck, but shes so stubborn. She thinks she can figure out everything on her own, and she probably could, it would just take several years, and in doing so would waste alot of precious time. Why go through that when you have someone literally trying to genuinely help you from the start?
Not to mention the thousands of dollars I have given my mom, and my sister for that matter over the years that have literally amounted to almost nothing? Let alone all of the money they both have wasted of their own that has gone to nothing. 4 adults and 1 baby is too much for a 1 bedroom apartment, but why should I get a bigger place to “accomidate for them” when they are not doing anything to help themselves?
So the question comes down to, well why Kris? Why are you helping these people IF THEY DONT WANT TO HELP THEMSELVES. Its pretty simple actually. They are family. They are all I have left really. I have Jen, My 2 sisters, and my mom.(and their 5 younger kids) That’s my entire family. If I don’t help my mom, she will literally die. Whether its OD, suicide, or depression slowly but surely destroying the remaining years of her life, one way or another, I would feel guilty for the rest of my life.
If I dont help my sister, it will only make her life harder, and more importantly, her kids life harder. I dont want her daughter to grow up in a unstable environment.(and I know she doesnt either). I dont want her living paycheck to paycheck forever. Shes still extremely young, pretty responsible for her age (22), but one can only be so responsible at 22. She has made a ton of bad decisions over the last 3-4 years, but she is STILL so young, that all of that is in the past, and can be overcome, VS my mom who is in her mid 40’s, its about 20 times harder for her to do right, as shes been doing it for too long. People say its never too late to change, they are correct, but the fail to mention how DIFFICULT it is to change habbits that are 20 years old.(Hence why you shouldnt pickup bad habbits early on). Anyways, I really want to help my sister and her daughter, but she wants to do things her way, even if it means destroying her finances, and making her entire life harder.
To make this even MORE complicated than it is, my girlfriend Jen has a hard time understanding my point of view(for understandable reasons).She is being put right through all of this, and 2011 really hit her hard seeing as so many things happened so fast. She comes from a completely different background. Sure her family may have had their issues, but certainly not like my family. When she first started going out with me 6 years ago, she only saw a glimpse of what she was about to dive into. As each year passed it became more and more visual, that I would be the focal point of almost my entire family. She comes from a pretty stable environment, mine is the completely opposite of stable. To make it even worse, Jen has grudges with both my sister, and my mom. Both for stupid reasons, and reasonable reasons. So not only do I have to deal with all of the issues above, I have to deal with all 3 of them fighting at one another for alot of stupid meaningless things, and alot of very important things.
When I really think about it, alot of the stupid things they argue about, or have “hidden issues” with, are things that are purely based on communication, and very basic things. There have been times where they all 3 really can get along quite well surprisingly. Space is a big issue, I dont have the space in my apartment. Constantly seeing too much of someone no matter who it is can get annoying. I think I need to rent a townhouse or something, which is going to limit me and Jens ability to save, but we really need space.
Jen has done quite well handling alot of this well in 2011, I must say I am quite impressed. Back in 2009-2010, wow we really did not see eye to eye, and that nearly broke us up. She really needs to understand that I am going to help my family as much as I can, and even if that means limiting my own life, I feel it is what I must do. She must also understand that because she is in my life, she will be affected as well. Could I do better things if I did not have these burdens to deal with? Maybe… maybe not. I feel it is all of the struggles I am put through that make me who I am. There is one thing I know, if something comes easy, there is usually always a catch, and if there is not, you better pay it forward so it doesnt come back to bite you in the ass. I am a firm believer in “What comes around goes around”. I have seen it too many times in other peoples lives, and my own. I have seen too many people screw over other people, only to find themselves getting screwed over 2 years later. It really applies to alot of things in life. ALWAYS have an open mind, ALWAYS be willing to help a good cause, and even though it may be REALLY hard, judging someone based on their looks can be pretty deceiving.
Throughout all of life, at the end of the day all you really have is your friends and family, and happiness. Everything else is extra. What good is a nice paying job if you have no friends or unhappy, or no family? What good is a nice car? What good is a nice home? What good is anything without friends, family and happiness? Wake up
Now that 2012 has come, I need to be more DETERMINED than ever. I need to take it to a new level that people around me feed off of it. I know this post went a little off topic, but I needed to get the stress of my chest. although my blood pressure has been normal, I need to just calm down, and take it one day at a time, and realize there are great things in life for me and Jen, PATIENCE. I need to be more patient.
