Well even though I dont write nearly as much as I used to I thought I would take the time out to write a post in memory of my friend chris. he passed away on the 23rd of 05..but I didnt find out until the 24th. I also wrote on the 13th when my dad passed away but that post was a little too personal for everyone to read. From time to time I wonder what it would be like if my dad was still living… but I also wonder what it would be like if chris was still living. I had some fun ass times with that man. I really dont think I have ever met anyone that I have had THAT MUCH IN COMMON in my life. Sure Iknow some people who are similar to me… but chris was not just my friend…he was a freakin true friend. Theres not that many people I can honestly call true friends in this world. Let me see…I would say I have 6 true friends and about 4 more people I could consider to be true friends but sometimes they just do shit that makes me question how true they really are. Im not gonna name names and shit because they the people that I so call “diss” are gonna be like pissed at me and shit when its shit they have done or said that made them not true friends. Like chris was seriously someone that I looked up to like crazy… when I was going to school for business and had the basic concepts of how it worked and all.. I must have had hundreds of talks with him about business. Like back then I had my future pretty much planned out for the most part…but its little things here and there that make me question what im doing with my life now. Am I really setting myself up for this huge fall? or am I lying to myself saying ohhh nah im straight ill be fine… then I get certain people saying shit like dont worry youll be fine and that is the most annoying thing ever seriously. One of the most annoying things people can do to you is say shit like dont worry you be fine or “sorry” when someone you knew died… both of those dont do shit for me…I dont need people to tell me that im going to be ok… what would be useful to me would be for me to know that certain people would be there for me…eventhough I rarely ever go to anyone for help because I tend to do shit on my own most of the time… if I get it wrong the first time I try again and again and again and shit I must try about 100 times before I throw the towel in because sometimes I just have too much pride to ask someone for help.. which is one of my many flaws. it all depends though. If you always ask someone for help throughout your life…then look at it you never really accomplised much on your own.. so its like you live a life where you constantly need help from everyone. I choose to do shit on my own because it defines my personality of WHO I AM…well I really dont feel like explaining anything else but something just came to my attention..
I remember about a year or 2 ago jose wrote in one of his surveys of like a big goal in his life would be to help humanity out in a way…the more and more I think about it thats what I think I want to do..
The waves that you made push me, push me
The things that you say push me, push me
The waves that you made push me, push me
So I’ll play God now and blow you, blow you away
Yea, it’s what you’ve become that I took today
You never thought I could be so strong
You can see there’s a part of me that you cannot beat
And part of you will always remember me
When you look around and you are so alone
