Written earlier today in the actual journal:
About to go to my interview at lowes, I seriously better get this job enough said. 9:30am
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Just got back from lowes and I was told by 3 different managers I passed with flying colors. The only thing that MIGHT fuck my chances up at getting the job is the random drug test they did on me today. I know I smoked once at talk of the town(my old job) around august 15th-25th….. which is well over a month ago and that shit only stays in your system for 30 days if your a big user and 10 days if you a rare user in which my case it shouldnt be in my system for ANYMORE than 15 days cuz I have a high metabolism. Im fucking done with drugs, it almost fucked my chances up at getting a good job. So I should pass and get the job!!! Yes!!! I was so fucking excited walking in the door and felt as if nothing could ruin my day, I was on top of the world. But I was wrong. Guess who was there “waiting” for me? SANTA CLAUS with my million dollar check….sike..no one other than my own very mom.
Nightmare I swear. I had just got home from getting a FULL TIME position…. listen carefully FULL TIME BENEFITS AND EVERYTHING at LOWES which pays like very very very very good and my mom now tells me that the rent didnt go up 600$ over the summer, it has went up over a thousand fucking dollars. I mean…one word……FUCK!!!!! But ya know what… fuck it I dont care. I made a commitment to myself earlier. Nothing is going to bring me down. Positive things will only happen if I remain positive. I cant go back to being negative. The anger inside me is begging to come out, however I write to unleash it. Take a deep breathe please and say my name. Think of a good memory of me. Think of all the smiles,all of the joy I have brought into this world. I only make people happy, thats what I do. Although most of mankind is crap, for those of you who arent…. thank you. I just want to be fully happy inside, is that too much to ask? I dont know…I know someday I will have what I want.. but mostly I just want to make everyone around me happy. Sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine im in a happy place. Dream that im in the middle of nowhere having a picnic with a person unknown. I just want to share all of the beautiful things about me without all of the anger inside of me. Although my anger makes me stronger…It is something I have learned to use over the years.
Goodnight world…
For all that I have done,
For all that I have seen
…..
I love you world, Remember that.
