Guess whos back mother fuckers! yes thats right its the great and all powerful KIZZLE (who now lives in laurel maryland) Ok so yes yes I finally moved from the house of many memories for the last 19 years. My first just about everything(except sex) happend in that house. Man oh man does it feel weird to live so close, yet so far away from the only place I have ever known. I always told myself I was going to move out I was gonna move out etc etc and I never followed through with it… until this time I finally did! Damn I cannot stress how many memories(good and bad) I have in that house. Im really gonna miss it in certain ways, and in other ways not..all I know is that it had to be done and it finally was. So I havnt really been talking to anyone at all…it seems like everyone I talk to is busy with their own plans to do whatever in the future… anders going to UMD, Jose is being a beast at simply wireless and Heath is still pursuing his plumbing thing LOL. Hmm so what have I been up to lately? I have a whole lot of time on my hands right now so this update is gonna be 2 weeks worth lol!
My first day in this joint was somehwere around the 28th, and once I slept here a day I never went back little by little I went to get all of my shit from my old house to my new one in laurel and finally last week im about 95% done with moving all of my shit(and I didnt lose anything which is GOOD) I have like the worst job ever at staples… I make 7.50 an hour which is like practically nothing to me compared to what I should be making,/deserve to be making. Its all good though cuz before I left for laurel I won a whole lot of money in poker so that was a GOOD ass start but then I found out that since I was working alot in the summer the rent from my old house went up 300$ for 2 months so that was 600$ I was automatically down instantly.. which is like bullshit but whatever. Anyways besides that I came here with a fresh clean new whatever you want to call it start. I was determined, Motivated and excited all at the same time. I get to spend the last few years with my grandmother, and grandfather, Establish closer relationships with my 2 cousins billy and melissa, and get to work with my uncle Hutch whenever im not working and whenever he needs the work. Hes a good guy and a good uncle. Other than working ive been shitless bored over here doing nothing but working, eating, sleeping and doing pushups.(by the way im finally getting stronger now that im acctually eating semi right) A fucking huge burden was lifted off me the minute I left that fucking apartment. Never will I go back. Anyways im like 95% sure Im getting a job at lowes this week which is great because they give health benefits and they pay just about the same pay I was making back in SS at talk of the town(those faggots) somewhere around 9.50+ depending on what you do/what kind of employee you are. Talk of the town has been calling me for the past 3 weeks trying to get ahold of me but I havnt been returning their calls because they are a bunch of faggots and I could careless about that job. I worked hard and good and I deserved more out of them(so did jose). I just got like the slowest internet over here after like 2 weeks of comcast trying to come out and fix this big ass problem with our cable connnection(TV) and my grandmother is old so she likes to do things the old fashioned way(SLOW AS SHIT) so im just like whatever I dont give a shit I dont care I just wanna eat sleep and work and whenever the internet comes on… well then it comes on. I believe I get paid tomorrow whichy makes my bank account go even higher because I dont owe rent until the 1st and tonight I won like $300 in poker because im a beast from the east. So this means that im going to be getting my permit again cuz mine expired like 3 weeks ago… then go to driving school and their should absolutely be no reason why im not driving at LEAST by christmas. Ill fucking shoot myself in the balls if I dont have a car by this christmas. Ill run naked outside saying nos my ass if I dont have a car by christmas. So eventhough I owe my mom $600 for previous rent(which is like seriously bullshit) Ive kept my head up high and im beginning to achieve my goals one step at a time. I know its going to take time to get what I really want in life but for now moving over here has changed so many things in my life I dont know where to start. It feels as if Im breathing new air(which I fucking definately am lol) and that im breathing air of satisfaction. Even when my mom comes over to my house in laurel she tends to bring the vibe of my old house with her. I see her and I get frustrated, angry and aggrivated within mere seconds. Ive got stronger mentally and physically in just the 3 weeks that I have been here. Im happier, DEFinately more motivated and only lookinh ahead from here. The past is the past and nothing is going to change that I know… so im trying to start fresh, but also dont want to forget where I came from. I respect all that my mother has done for me however I just needed more. As caring as she might be, she was holding me back and it puts a dagger in my heart to say that. Finally I did what had to be done and I cant regret it. Too many things she has fucked up in my life that I cannot forgive, but I will move on. I am strong, I am wise and yet I am still weak with emotions. I miss my cat to death, he was like a brother to me. Last time I went to my house I could sense he missed me and he doesnt understand where I had been or what I had done. Im really gonna miss that fucking cat…defiantely more than my sister… which is fucked up to say but its the truth. From here on im about 90% sure that my moms and my little sisters life is going down the drain but I cant fail with them, I can only give assistance and advise, they cant hold me back any longer, I wont allow it. Over the years I have told myself over and over and over I needed to change and I never fully changed the way I wanted to, but now I feel like im going straight in the right directions that the only thing that is stopping me from what I want is time.. and im okay with that. As time goes on things will get better, and I will get what I want. I want to succeed in life, I want to have kids, I want to have a great wife… all of these things will take time I know, but now I see them in a totally different way. I am unique, I am special and brave. I dont care how much I have to work, I will earn the things that I want… they will not be given to me. Ill get what I deserve, not the luck of the draw. I fucking hate luck. I noticed something just a couple of hours ago. I always told myself that I would be an excellent poker player if I didnt get UNLUCKY as much as I do, if i just had the average luck of an average person… that I would definately win more than I lose(with friends and for real money). Now that I look back on it, living in that house brought me down so much that with my negative attitude torwards everything I believe I was cursing myself to be unlucky. In the last month or so I am up easily at least $700 not because I got LUCKY AS SHIT, it was just mere pure skill matched with average luck. I always knew I had it in and now it has finally come out. I see the game almost the same way I did before, however I dont seem to be getting shit on the river like I always used to. It still happens from time to time, but that happens to everyone. I believe if I keep a good attitude, that my luck will not only change in poker, but as in my life as well. Because we all know luck is all around us, its something that cannot be predicted it just happens for whatever reason. I bet if I knew the reason of luck id be a millionare lol. sike. Just give me until christmas and I will have finally made the changes that I wanted to make.
Message to my mom: I really hope you decide to do the right things with your life, I know you can survive without me, you did it for 20 years before you had me. You mean so much to me you dont even know. Not that your ever going to read this post because you dont evenknow how to turn a computer on.. but still.
Message to my friends: Damn… you all really mean so much to me. The things I have learned over the years from good solid friendships…these things I cherish now and will cherish forever. Every single one of you mean so much to me… you all know who you are. Yall ever need anything dont hesitate to ask. I couldnt ask for better friends, If I did.. that would be totally selfish and wrong of me knowing that I know many people with shitty friends who arent really friends… they just lie and fuck shit up for people.
Thats me looking tight as shit about to go to work a couple of days ago…damn do I look sexy as shit or what! lol!
I work wed, thur, fri, sat, sun, mon, tues, wed, thurs, and friday morning… so next week I have FRIDAY NIGHT, ALL SATURDAY and ALL SUNDAY off…. yo I need to get out of this house because I need to have some excitement!!!
Now its time to update about the summer of 05…. oh no did you think I was finished? aw hell naw remember I told you this shit was gonna be 2 weeks worth lol.
Lets begin… this summer really wasnt too bad at all. even though we never really went through with the OC thing and a couple of other things… Ive had worse summers than this one. We did alot of chillin…you know its not about how many big things we can do before summer is over, when its all said and done its all of the little things combined which made the summer great. I will admit though the one night that tipped everything off was that one night at my house when I didnt have power and we got drunk as shiiiiiiiit. That was really fun….It seems like everything for everyone is going their way as far as I know… but I havnt really talked to anyone lately so im kind of assuming…Also I havnt seen my man O in like almost 2 months or somethin… its been a while kid! you better fucking graduate this year!
Had some kick as times racing with the crew, drinking with the crew, acting dumb as shit, cookouts, six flags, family things, LOTS of basketball which everyone enjoyed. Lots of poker which some people enjoyed AHEM heath that faggot kept winning… oh yeah jose too… dont think I forgot about that gay ass 5 on the river like a month ago lol. and yeah I know I still owe you money. Of couse I remember I always pay peeps back. Still owe ander 5 from mcdonalds too lol. Man its almost fucking 5 am and ive been typing this shit for nearly an hour and a half. Now this is what you call determined. After poker for the night I told myself I was gonna write the entry to get it overwith and ill be damned if I did… finally the long awaited update. Not that many of you read my shit anyways but whatever. Ive been watching too much tv lately… Ahh I think this is only going to be a little bit longer so Ill end it with…
Oh yeah I wanna give a shoutout to my friend jen, THANK YOU so much for all of the listening you have done for the past god knows how long. We talk so much that we freakin run out of things to talk about half of the time but that doesnt stop either one of us now does it lol.
Also I want to give a shoutout to katie cuz I know damn well shes been checkin my site everyday for the past 3 weeks hoping I updateed lol. Katie you know that shit is true! dont LIE its bad for you! good job in school.
To all my homiez, niggaz, wiggaz, family, bros, friends, foes, fuck it I give a shoutout to the entire world! Keep it real because THAT builds trust and trust builds good character.
I end it with a bit of deepness:
I like to write
To say whats on my mind
At the right time
Im a different kind
Workin all week
Makes me believe
If I stay focused
I will definately achieve
Im fucked up in ways
Other ways not
Life is just like
One big fucking clock
It keeps going and going
Until the battery dies
Sounds to me like
It was fed a bunch of lies
I try and stay positive
With a little bit of rest
I have been told many times
Im better than the rest
I have a good heart
One that can truely see
What others are thinking
Then help them to be free
As everyone can see
Im just being me
With a bit of poetry
Just a little too deep
I dont care
What others have to say
Ill get what I deserve
THE RIGHT WAY
Others can hate
But I speak the truth
Take control of your life
Before it takes control of you
“Kizzle mania baby”
