Wow… September 27th 2008. Just wow… I cant believe its almost 2009. Geez. I just sat here for about 30 minutes reading old entry’s. If their is one statement that I can make and be very honest…. I have changed as a person so much in the past 4 and a half years that I have wrote in this journal thing. Going back and reading alot of entry’s was just weird. Remembering what ive been through, what I have not been though, what ive accomplished, what I have not accomplished….just wow. I cant say anything but wow. What do people really think of me? Sit there and ask yourself that question. Do people see me as a threat? Do people see me as caring, loyal, and honest? OR do people see me as just this asshole who just doesnt care about anything. AM I a good person?….who knows right. Everyones going to have their perception on who I am. WHat I would do and wouldnt do. what would I do? Sometimes I dont even know. I will tell you this though. When youve been put into countless situations, good or bad…you really tend to learn the outcomes very quickly. The learning curve. Will I ever be known for anything? probably not. I dont think people will even remember me that well. I was always shy and quiet for the most part. always observing people and their actions. maybe thats why im good at poker. im always observing situations and motion. I guess I wish the world was better not to me, but to everyone around me. If I could take all of the pain from everyone I love and transfer it to me, I would. I know I can handle it, I know I can. Put tremendous strain on my shoulders to help an individual, I will do it anyday. I will always be out there to help people good or bad. I will always help people change if they really want to. People change…they really do. Its just odd to see it and it doesnt happen often but it does. You know how I know it happens? Because it happend to me. People have seen me change, and I cant believe I have. I wish certain people would let me into their lives more often. Let me see whats going on inside there. Let me help I want to help with everything. I will sacrifice parts of my life to help people. That is my goal throughout life. To help as many people as I can before I die. Help in any kind of way….good and bad. Help is help. Xanga has always been the main journal I have wrote in so I intend to keep it that way. I really never post anything anymore because im either to lazy to write, or to busy to write. What am I saying your never too busy to write. Just like your never too busy to pickup the phone for 5 minutes and call a fucking friend.
Many people are going to hear this from me alot. If ANYONE ever need anything, please let me know. I will help out as best as I can in anyway possible.
