2015
One day you wake up….and realize something just HAS to change in your life. There are about 5~ of these days over the last 15 years that have shaped me into who I am, and where I am today. Let me share one. Spring 2007. I had just stopped working 80 hours a week for quite some time. I was homeless. All my stuff was in a storage locker. I was crashing at friends house for like 3 months, and sleeping in my car. I was embarrassed to stay at friends house for more than a couple days at a time so I slept in my car. Ate PBJ’s in my car. I still vividly remember the peanut butter jar and bread in my car. Jens parents did not like me at the time. They thought I was worthless. A bad egg. I kind of fed into this. I knew what potential i had, I knew what I had been through, I knew who I was, I just fed back into they’re judgements so they didn’t really get to know me well until 2010-2011~. Anyways, I remember one night when I was homeless, I took Jen to a spot where I would sleep in my car. For whatever reason she wanted to crash with me and experience it. It was in this state of mind where I just made a DECISION. That I was not going to live like this forever. I was not going to be a fucking failure like EVERY SINGLE ONE of my family members, EVERYBODY. That I was going to CHANGE THE CYCLE OF LOSING HABITS, living in subsidized housing, working bullshit jobs just to make ends meet. I refused to bring kids in this world through whatever means necessary even though I really wanted them. That’s not to say I didn’t make my share of mistakes along the way to get where I am 8 years later, I have. But this PASSION…you can’t just be taught this by someone, or BUY IT AT WALMART. You have to literally EXPERIENCE a certain level of accrued pain and have the courage, will, strength, determination, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT. To just make a CHOICE and tell yourself you will do whatever it takes. Like, WHATEVER IT TAKES. I don’t CARE where you come from. Whether it is privilege, or section 8 housing.
I know people who have solid parents, solid circumstances. Paid ride throughout college. Never worrying bout electric getting cut off, or losing they’re home growing up. Foodstamps etc. Just “better” situations. All they had to do was just “show up” Most of these people I know are well off…smart, intelligent, good parents, just good overall people.
Then they’re are some who are doing practically nothing! They had such an ADVANTAGE…but people like me running CIRCLES around them. HOW? WHY????? Not enough pain, not enough passion. Not enough whatever it is but the point is that it’s just NOT ENOUGH.
Whatever point in you are in your life right now is EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW IS THE SUM TOTAL OF YOUR DECISIONS. Not your mommy decisions, or daddy’s decisions. You broke? MAKE A CHANGE. Bad father/mother? MAKE A CHANGE. Just make a decision to change! That’s it! HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF!!! You know what you should be doing, and what your not doing.
RECYCLE YOUR PAIN! IF IT WERE EASY, everybody would do it! Like EVERYBODY. Everybody wants to be happy, everybody wants to be healthy, everybody wants to be financially secure. EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD. WHY NOT YOU???????
WHY NOT YOU????????? WHOS GOING TO STOP YOU????? NOBODY BUT YOURSELF!
