12-1-17- kris notes
Brene Brown- The power of vulnerability notes this is 15 years of research and data
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
Expanding perception- changed the way I live & love
“Lean into the discomfort of the work”- very big saying in social work
Started with connection. Connection is why we’re here.It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
The ability to feel connected it’s how were wired, it’s why we’re here.
When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak
When they tell you about belonging, they will tell you about their excruciating experiences of being excluded.
When you ask people about connection, they talk about disconnection.
Shame is easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if people know, that I won’t be worthy of connection? Shame is universal. We all have it. The only people who don’t feel shame have no capacity for empathy of human connection. Nobody wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
In order for connection to happen, we must allow ourselves to be seen. REALLY, truly seen.
A sense of worthiness. The difference between people who have a strong love and belonging and those who not, is the people that do…..they believe they are worthy of love and belonging. THAT’S IT.
The thing that keeps us out of connection is the fear that we are not worthy of connection.
People that feel they are worthy of long and belonging have this in common- they are whole hearted people. Deep sense of worthiness. The theme, the pattern. They have in common, courage, compassion, and connection. They fully embraced vulnerability.
Courage original definition- from Latin word KER- which means heart. The original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. These folks had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others. As it turns out we cannot practice compassion with others unless we practice on yourself first. Lastly they had connection, the hard part- was a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of what they thought they should be and be who they were. This is absolutely 100% required for connection. They talked about vulnerability simply being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say “I love you” first. The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. They thought all of this was fundamental.
Definition of research is to control and predict.
The way to live is with vulnerability, and to stop controlling and predicting.
Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and struggle for worthiness, but it is also the birthplace of joy, creativity, love, and belonging.
We numb vulnerability. We live in a vulnerable world. We numb. We are the most in debt, obese, addicted, medicated adult cohort in US history.
The problem is we cannot selectively numb emotion. You cannot say here is the bad stuff. Here is vulnerability, grief, sadness, fear, shame, disappointment- I don’t want to feel these. When we numb these, we numb the good: Joy, gratitude, happiness, and then we are miserable, looking for purpose and meaning, so then we feel vulnerable and we go back to debt, food, drugs etc. and it becomes a dangerous cycle.
WHY and HOW do we numb?
We make everything certain. I’m right, your wrong, shut up, etc. Religion, politics. Etc.
BLAME- a way to discharge pain and discomfort.
***IMPORTANT***
TO let ourselves be seen, deeply seen. Vulnerably seen.
To love with our whole hearts, even though there is no guarantee.
To practice gratitude and joy in those hard moments when vulnerable. Because feeling vulnerable means I’m alive.
Lastly to believe I am enough. When we work from a place where we believe I am enough, we stop screaming and start listening. Were kinder and gentler to people around us, and to ourselves.
