2-2-18
Kris notes, while drunk, yet still valuable. Spell check should come in handy. Kentucky bourbon.
Brene Brown the Anatomy of Trust
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewngFnXcqao
Brene mother fucking BROWN! WOOOOOOOOO!! The woman has done it all baby woo!!!!!
Years of intensive work. Shinning a light on the wounds and showing us how to heal. Whole hearted living, and being strong.
The anatomy of trust baby! Woooooo!! I must add, brene is lookin pretty fine.
Trust is like a marble jar. You share those hard stories and those hard moments that are happenin to you, with friends who over time you filled up their marble jar. They have done thing after thing where you say to yourself, “I know I can trust this person”
How do you earn marbles? Marbles can be earned by the smallest of moments without even realizing. It’s not always the times you are hurt and laying on the floor waiting to be picked up. Certainly trust cannot be built with these small insignificant moments in our lives, it’s gotta be a grander gesture than that!…. so you know…. Brene is DOPE and she started looking into the data…..you know… that’s what cool people do. AND IT IS CRYSTAL CLEAR, TRUST IS BUILT IN VERY SMALL MOMENTS. Examples of trust in the research: my boss asked me how my moms chemo therapy was going, or I trust my neighbor, because It doesn’t matter what’s going on she will come over and help me figure it out. One of the number one things that emerge for trust… when people attend funerals. “This is someone who showed up”. Another HUGE marble jar moment- I trust him because he is willing to ask for HELP. How many of us are better at giving help, VS asking for help? WOOOooo!(sorry, remember im drunk).
TRUST IS BUILT IN THE SMALLEST OF MOMENTS! When you are so focused on something, yet you come across someone who doesn’t feel well…or just looks like they are in a world of hurt and instead of focusing on what is right there in front of you, you stop and ask what’s going on with the other person.
This is the opportunity to build trust, but also the opportunity to betray. As small as the moments of trust can be, those are the moments of betrayal as well. To choose to NOT connect when the opportunity is there, is a betrayal.
We need to share our stories with people who have full marble jars. People that over time have made us believe that we can tell them our stories.
The question is, what are those marbles? What is trust? What is the anatomy of trust?
Definition of trust: trust is choosing to make something important to you, vulnerable to the actions of someone else. Distrust is, what I have shared with you that is important to me is no longer safe.
Acronym- B-R-A-V-I-N-G- connection with someone.
B- Boundaries. Respect each other’s boundaries. There is no trust without boundaries.
R- Reliability- I can only trust you if you do what you say you are going to do.
Scales- are VALID.
a RELIABLE scale is one that reads the same over and over
reliability- you do what you say you are going to do.
- – I can only trust you, if when you make a mistake you can own it and apologize for it. And then make amends. No accountability- no trust.
V- THIS ONE SHOOK BRENE TO THE CORE WHICH MEANS IT WAS DEEEEEEEEEEP NIGGA.- VAULT!
what I share with you…. You will hold in confidence. What you share with me, I will hold in confidence. We only understand one side of the vault, this showed up OVER and OVER in the research. This is where we distrust. If someone comes up to you and starts talking about someone else, you lose trust with that person for SHARING SOMEONE ELSES INFORMATION THAT WAS PRIVATE WITH YOU! ITS ALL ABOUT HOLDING BOTH SIDES CONFIDENTIAL.
- – brene created this definition because she looked at the data and didn’t fucking like the definition she found, because you see…. Brene is A BOSS! So THIS is the real definition of integrity- choosing COURAGE over COMFORT, choosing what is RIGHT over what is FUN, FAST, or EASY, and PRACTICING your values and not just PROFESSING your values. That’s fucking integrity. WOOOO! Go brene! #likeaboss
N- Non judgement.- I can fall apart, and ask for help, be in struggle and not be judged for it. And you can do the same thing and I won’t judge you. Which is REALLY hard, because we are better at helping, then we are asking for help. When we assign value to needing help, when I think less of myself for needing help, whether you are conscious of it or not, when you offer help to someone, you think less of them too. You cannot judge yourself for needing help, but not judge others for needing your help. Real trust doesn’t exist unless real help is reciprocal and nonjudgmental.
G- Generosity– if someone screws up and doesn’t call you on say your birthday to wish happy birthday and that is important to you, instead of waiting for the moment to throw it it someone’s face…. You let them know “hey, this was important to me and discuss” but I know you care about me, so that’s why I am telling you.
THIS IS THE ANATOMY OF TRUST,this is complex. Why do we need to break it down? Its for a very simple reason. We have all struggled with trust
How are we able to talk about trust if we don’t understand it?
Instead we can break it down, and talk about it instead of this HUGE word. We can say here’s specifically what I’m struggling with. B-R-A-V-I-N-G.
When something hard happens in our own lives, the FIRST thing we say is- “I cannot trust myself”- I was so stupid, I was so naïve.
This BRAVING acronym works with self-trust too.
Ok yo. This is what brene is inviting us to think about trust:
If your own marble jar is not full, if you can’t count on yourself, you can’t ask others to give you what you don’t already have. So we have to start with self-trust.
We can’t ask people to give to us something we do not believe we are not worthy of receiving, and you will know you are worthy of receiving it when you trust yourself, above anyone else.
